Chapter I

So alone.  “Lord, I don’t want to be alone.”

I remember it as clearly as if it were this morning.  Pitch black early November morning … it couldn’t have been more than 3:00 AM … the sound of a small baby’s breath in the crib next to my bed … the sound of my heart pounding in my ears.

For months, I’d been so certain, so sure, even at peace.  This was my life.  God had called me to be a single mother and minister to others.  And now, quite suddenly, my surety was gone.  And in it’s place … lonliness.  Not in a “I’m at a party and nobody’s talking to me” way, but rather like watching the hero of a movie die and thinking “No! That’s not right! Life shouldn’t be like that!” … that is the  feeling I remember.

And then, silence.  And in that silence, there was a direction, as clear as if someone had spoken the words outloud to me:

Pray. Pray for a kinsman redeemer.”*

Is that you, Lord?  A kinsman redeemer?  Really?!  I feel crazy even saying that I heard that — let alone repeating it.

Pray for a kinsman redeemer.

Alright. Lord.  This is crazy, but I’ll pray …

The closing of one chapter and the beginning of another.  Saturday, October 13, 2007, and counting …

“Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.” ~ Psalm 36:5

*Kinsman Redeemer — See the book of Ruth to read the full account of Ruth and Boaz.

  • Leah

    Beautiful. Happy Anniversary, you crazy cats. :)

  • Ellie

    Thanks, Leah! I think you were the officially the first person to say that this year.

  • Bethany Engelkemier

    Wow, Ellie! This post gave me chills! God is so good and amazing! Thank you so much for sharing. You are a beautiful writer.

  • Mindy

    Beautiful, Ellie. Happy Anniversary and blessings on your little family:)

  • Jana

    Yes! God is faithful. I am thinking you “swore off” men at some point. :) But no, God had it all purposed before the beginning of time. He knew all along. I love this about God. Happy Anniversary to the Ewoldts! Love you. Miss you.

  • Your Dad

    Thank you Ellie. What a great reminder and a sweet testimony to the Love of God, and His faithfulness. Since all you girls were little, your Mother and I prayed for a godly young man for you as a spouse. On the 13th of every month I read Proverbs 13 and am reminded of His faithfulness is doing just that. “Desire realized is sweet to the soul,” v.19

  • Ellie

    Thank you, dear ones … I’m hoping to write more on this in the future, so stay tuned. :)

  • Connie

    Ellie, I can so relate to this. I had a nearly identical experience as a single mom, except I wasn’t a believer at the time. I too cried out to God for my kinsman redeemer, but those words would have been a mystery to me. All I knew was that I shouldn’t raise 2 sons alone, but I couldn’t see how I could change it. I couldn’t, but God did. Thanks for sharing that–and a late Happy Anniversary to you and Bob!