Rep. Aaron Schock and Me: Separated At Birth

Heh heh… I now know why people almost-constantly compare me to Congressman Aaron Schock (IL-18)… it’s the similarity of our physique.  Congressman Schock recently posed for Men’s Health magazine, and showed off his rock-hard abs, in order to promote a “Fit for Life” campaign.  He says, “You have the power to change your life for the better.  By making smart, simple food and fitness choices, you can take control of your health—and look and feel better than you have in years! (And you’ll even be helping our nation in the bargain)…  Do it for yourself!  Do it for your family!  Do it for your country!”

Aaron SchockOur daily physical regimens are very similar, too.  He gets up at 6:30 A.M. every morning and runs 5 miles.  I do the same (±5 miles).  He is also purported to be working out with several other Republican congressmen (Kevin McCarthy, Paul Ryan, and Peter Roskam, among others) on the P90X workout authored by Tony Horton, which includes a mixture of cardio work, yoga, stretching and strength training, and is known for its vomit-inducing routines (the “X” of P90X).  I occasionally do exercises that might be vomit-inducing in much, much, MUCH older men.

This is the exact reason why I could never be a member of Congress: because having two… members with such stellar physiques would necessarily distract from the “serious legislative issues” that Congress deals with on a daily basis.  The race for “America’s Fittest Congressman” would be a messy sideshow to important work on issues like:

  • Legislation declaring Bigfoot an endangered species
  • A special resolution which declares Five Guys Burgers makes America’s best hamburgers
  • A law banning Piers Morgan from obtaining a visa
  • Legislation aimed at removing partisan messages from Sesame Street
  • The amount of time discussing how much Congress will be in session, and how many hours members will work

No, there can be only one “America’s Fittest Congressman,” and having another in contention would be like having two Jack Bauers.  There’s only one Jack Bauer.

Question: You see the similarity, right?